What an absolute cluster of a time it's been.

Well hello there 2021. Been a little shit storm so far haven't you? This is not the calm I was promised, sir. To help me get back on here on a more regular basis I'm going to answer a question each day and then write a little if I feel. Here goes. Do you enjoy spending time with others? That depends on a lot of things. The number of people, my overall mood, and the actual people I'm spending time with.

Never did get my keyboard fixed..

But I'm happy to report that my lovely boyfriend bought a laptop (HE BOUGHT A LAPTOP) for my apartment.

What! Who does that?

He said it's because he's tired of not being able to use my computer properly. I think he's just a mush.

Speaking of the laptop. The battery also went kaput. I don't exactly know what happened to it but I had to remove it from the thing. And now, of course, it has to be plugged in to use at all. That's been a real pain in the rear end.

As for Life. Bub and Miss are another year older, from my last update. And now almost another year again.

We're almost done the school year here. It gets old, but I cannot believe they're growing so fast. Grades 8 and 2 next year. Yikes O.o

I has le boyfriend. He's originally from Poland and is 6 foot 9. Nine! I'm 5'8". I feel very short when with him. He's a wonderful person and I'm very happy with him. September will be a year for us.

I fell into one of those Sims4 100 Baby Challenges (Chelsea ftw), and I've been playing a lot myself. I have 247 hours logged lol. Shameful, I know. But what else is there to do when you don't work (changing soon, hopefully).

Mental health has really struck me this year. It's been a very tenuous war with myself. And honestly, most of the time I'm losing.

Now that I have something I can actually type on. Which feels SO GOOD, by the way. I'm hoping to start writing again. I've missed using that part of my brain. I've missed sitting and immersing myself in a world I've made up or altered. I miss it all.

I want to start journal blogging with prompts, or something. I follow an Insta and they want to start some type of daily journal thing, so I might just post 'em there and here. I also want to see if I can commit to a photo prompt type of thing. I started one a few years ago and never finished it and it's always sort of irked me. Getting out of my apartment is difficult for me sometimes so maybe if I start one of those it'll be a little easier.

All for now. Happy Monday!

Hello from my cell phone.

I had this whole post planned out yesterday and have since forgotten what I was going to say.

Anyway. So my laptop's keyboard has been kind of kaput for a while. Two of the rows don't respond properly and it's a serious pain in the ass to type more than a few things at a time. I've barely used my computer in months. I think Miss uses it more than I do.

So that's why I haven't been updating as much lately. Although let's be real, I suck at that anyway lol. But I've missed coming on here and writing. I'm hoping to get the keyboard fixed up soon so I can finally, actually, use my damn computer.

After that happens I'll perhaps get a life update in haha.

Typing on my phone sucks.

2016? Wow I really suck.

I actually have no idea why I write these, but 2016 seems nuts to me. I didn't think it had been that long since I'd last updated this but here we are.

Life has been pretty hard for me. Chronic illness is not my friend and I've had to come to terms with that. Constant fatigue (exhaustion when it's bad), various pain that doesn't like to be ignored. I was diagnosed with Adenomyosis in September, but have been dealing with it for a year prior to that. Basically the endometrial lining is absorbed into the uterine muscle causing very painful periods. For me, it started only during my periods, then it would linger after, then come about early, and now it's every single day, all day. The pain can be managed through various methods but ultimately a hysterectomy is the only cure. That's where I'm headed.

My left knee has also been acting up lately. For a little over two years randomly when I walk it will kind of click inside my inner ear. No pattern to it, and as time went on it was more and more. About 6 months ago, maybe around the summer time, when I sat with my legs curled for too long my knee would be in a lot of discomfort. Weird way to type it, but yes. So I just wouldn't do that much. Then for about two months I'd get random sharp, shooting pains in my knee and down my leg at random times. And now, I wanna say for about two or three weeks, those pains have been almost every day.

I finally went to the doctor and got x-rays and ultrasound done. The x-ray results were fine and now I'm just waiting on the ultrasound. I'm at the point now 'do I want there to be something wrong so I can actually explain this pain, or do I want it to be okay and have no explanation'. I went through that a lot before I got the Adeno diagnosis. It felt good to have an explanation and a word to put to what I'd been going through for so long, but then it meant having to deal with a world I wasn't really ready for. I'm still pretty conflicted.

I broke a tooth last weekend and may need a root canal. Got a temporary fix on that baby until my insurance approves it.

BUT I'm finally over a cough that I had for literally 4 some months. Maybe even more, cause I don't remember anymore. It started in September and ended in/around December or Janaury. I don't even know. I do know that I had bronchitis and not pneumonia cause the x-rays said so. Then I dealt with some side effects of the antibiotics for a couple weeks after that.

We adopted a kitten in September and named her Mocha. She is very sweet, very playful and loves being pet but do not cuddle or pick her up. It's such a change from Butter because he LOVES cuddles and smushes and blankies and being carried around and everything. He's incredibly patient with Bub and his silliness whereas she isn't. She doesn't lash out and scratch but she doesn't stick around either. I'm very fortunately with these two. They're wonderful kitties and compliment the family well. They're both so silly and get along great. She's coming around really well and I love watching her accept us into her circle.

The kiddos are both doing fantastic.

Bub has lost TWO teeth. He's in SK and just got his graduation pictures done (cue ugly mom sobs). I've been working with the school about his issues and they're totally on board and supportive. We have an appointment with a pedi next month for a behavioral assessment. This will really open the door to a diagnosis for autism and so many supports for him everywhere else. I've already got a couple on the go right now but a lot of it is short term or temporary, at home or in centre/office based. He needs long term and at school help/support. Getting a diagnosis will help with that tremendously.

He's just as care free and inquisitive as ever. He wants to know everything as quick as his mind can form the question. He's so caring and so himself. Very hardheaded and steadfast and opinionated and makes sure you know exactly what's on his mind as soon as he does. Even if it's an hour after bed time to tell me that his (fake toy) tarantula spider is scared of the dark so he's going to let it sleep with him.

He adores tarantulas. He has about 6 or 7 fake ones living in a little colony on his dresser and a couple shirts with them on there. He loves shows with them (Eight Legged Freaks) and books. He's been begging me for almost a year to get one as a pet. As soon as I find a reputable breeder in my area I'll be gathering the moolah. "We can share it, mommy. It can stay in your room but we can share it." So sweet.

The gal is doing wonderfully. She is very much a young lady and it's kind of frightening sometimes. She's in grade 6 and still gets raving reviews from her teachers. They can't say enough good things about her during meetings. One said "If I could clone her and have 20 I would.". It makes me feel great to hear stuff like that, being a single mom and having raised her on my own. She's an amazing kid and most of that is because of me.

She went to Cuba with her aunt, uncle, grandma, and cousins for a week this month. She loved it there and had a great time. She didn't want to come home to the snow and the cold and I don't blame her one bit lol. She said she loved all of the food except for the international food. She isn't much for trying new things so that doesn't surprise me much. I'm really glad that her aunt offered for her to go with them on their vacation.

I had meant to get this out almost a week ago but as is my life, it happens lol.

Thanks for reading ;)

This is technically the second one.

I was in the middle of typing out a very long post when my laptop disconnected from my wireless. I had to c&p it into a text document, restart my computer, but before I'd done that I previewed the post on my phone to see how far I'd gotten before my Wi-Fi had cut out and it was only like half. So while I was waiting for my computer to update I was looking at my old posts and fell down my own rabbit hole (that sounds dirty) and now here I am almost 2 hours later and have still not completed the other post but I want to do a questionnaire (I don't know why) so here it is.

1. I don't think I can pick just one thing, honestly. I've been facing questionable shit since I was literally a baby. It's been an ongoing curve for me that I hope has stopped. Or at least slows down. Or something.

2. Being made to feel like a victim. Again and again. Is it me? What am I doing to make this happen? Why do I keep choosing people that do this stuff to me? and any number of other things that ran through my head before I learned it was never me. I was not the problem. The assholes are the problem. Always.

3. Most like myself. Man, I don't know. It's less of a place and more of just who I'm with. I can be in my own home, uncomfortable as you please, because of who's here. But then 10 minutes later I could be in a new place with my best friend and most like myself as ever.

4. My own head.

5. If he hadn't passed away 8 years ago, my grandpa. But being as life is, it's hard to say though and I'm not really sure why that is.

6. My health/body. I'm too young to be going through this shit and it annoys me. I resent it. I shouldn't have to deal with it. I should be healthy and enjoying my life. I should have the energy to play outside with my kids. I should not need a hysterectomy at 29 years old. If I could change anything it would be that I was just healthy.

7. I would do all of the drugs I never wanted to do normally.

lol No, not really. I'd spend it with everyone that is most important to me.

8. Decade? Like.. my own decade, 30s, 40s, 70s. Or the world's decade, '80, '50, '20. I honestly have no idea either way. I'm excited for my 30s. I'm hoping to be past a lot of this bullshit with my 20s. And I'd love to visit each decade to see them first hand but I wouldn't want to live in them. This one sucks but I'm content here.

9. Probably my mom? I don't know. I'm lame.

10. Ask me this a year ago first person would have been Ang. But due to circumstances far outside both our control life has gotten in the way for both of us. We don't talk as much as I miss her immensely. I realize that isn't the question.

Right now I'd say Jess? She knows things.

11. Oh I just read the best description of Ang in one of my old posts. Can I refer to that one? lol

She's just the most amazing person I've ever met. And I haven't even met her. We've been friends for 7 years and she is still my bestbestbestbest friend.

12. Gawsh, everything. Nothing was too farfetched for me.

13. Wow, I have no idea. I love to learn and I love knowledge. I'm witty and funny. I love books and read a lot. I like rules and I like to follow them. Though, sometimes they're strictly my own self imposed rules. I have a lot of faults. I'm stubborn and annoying and weird (good and bad) and can't always make up my mind. When I believe I'm right about something it's very hard to shake my stance on that. I will admit a no but it never comes easily. I cry when I'm angry.

If that makes any character jump to mind, let me know!

14. I have a love/hate with them. It's only been the past year or two that I've taken them at face value.

"I like your hat/hair/nails/pants/shoes/shirt/etc."
"Thank you." Maaaaaaaaaaybe a small explanation, if it's something new or if the dress has POCKETS or I just coloured my hair or something to that effect. Or nothing if I'm just passing that person on the street. They simply get a smile and a thank you.

Before, being little in the self esteem category, I would delve too deep into the compliment and explain why I don't deserve it.

"Your nails are very nice."
"Oh, thanks, I completely messed up and had to redo this hand twice before I liked how it came out." (This actually happened once)

The higher I feel about myself the easier this becomes and even the freer I am about giving them out myself. It feels great to make people feel good about themselves.

15. I mean, both? Or one of each, rather. Is that allowed?